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Tuesday, May 09, 2006


I Am Fabius, And I Refuse To Sign

I have begun a new guerrilla campaign here on Blog Integrity Dot Whatever Dot Bloggered Dot Blogsport Dot Commie. I have employed the new integritous sigil on my blog YET I REFUSE TO SIGN THE PLEDGE OF INTEGRITUDE!

Why? Because I lack Integrity? No. No! A thousand times NO! (just imagine I said it a thousand times because that can get old pretty damn quick)

It is because I have the Utmost Integrity and need not these petty rhetorical demonstrances of logos, ethos, and pathos to have the aforementioned Utmost Integrity. I am Utmost Integrity Personified, and I hardly have to remind you every 30 femtoseconds of that fact.

Nay, as we read in Matthew 6:5-6:
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
I quietly pray my Prayers of Integritousness in my Closeted Fortress of Integricity. And you should follow my Intrigityish Example, if you are to have Real Utmost Integrity.

I merely follow in the footsteps of my Quaker forebear, John Dickinson, who refused to sign the Declaration of Independence. He also didn't sign the Consitution because he was out sick that day--but still! You get my point. He wasn't a Signer, but was a Patriot. A Patriot of Integrity. And he didn't even get a big monument proclaiming it:
Dickinson, who died in 1808, was a stanch Quaker and was buried with the simple rites of his sect in the Friends' graveyard now in the heart of Wilmington. His last resting place is marked only by a small headstone with "John Dickinson, 1808", engraved thereon.
So I, a recently-singled, independent, non-violent, counter-dominant, left-liberal, possibly charismatic, not entirely insufferable, non-obnoxious, Tom Green-esque, quasi anarcho-libertarian Quaker, hereby refuse to swear feality to Thersites and his Vile Oath, and encourage all readers to do likewise. To sign The Integrity Pledge is to be objectively anti-Integrity

Please, let us know in comments that you will not partake in this anti-Integrity Integrity Movement, thus joining me in my anti-anti-Integrity Integrity Movement Movement, and we will thus restore Integrity to the Blogoverse.

I have already sworn to oppose Movement, uh, but I'm confused who the enemy is now. Er, anyhow, I renew my pledge to wage unwavering war against any and all anti-integrity integrity movements or program related activities.

But right now I am mad at blogger so I will just sit here like Richard Cohen and pout.
i think i already signed it?

but i've no integrity, so i take it back.

wait, what am i not signing?

the blogospere may be a feverswamp, but this is where all the good ideas are fomented, fermented, sumth'n. anyways, the rabble can hang with the smarties, and that's ok, right? right.

see, that's what the media elite don't like. i say fuck them, twice, with a rusty chainsaw. better yet let's make 'em all listen to a 24 hour loop tape of 'Hahdball', then it's up against the wall...
I too am Fabius! I too refuse to sign!

Long live the anti-anti-Integrity Integrity Movement Movement -- or at least let it live until it is overtaken by the objectively anti-Integrity anti-anti-anti-Integrity Integrity Movement Movement!
I think its plagarism, and definitely uncivil, to use the Integritous Houskeeping Seal of Approval on your blog without buying a subscription to the magazine.

You're going to go to hell. Or spend eternity as K Lo's cabana boy -- whichever.

But I would like to know why the sweaty lunk -- who did sign the Integritudinal Memorandum of Understanding -- isn't using the Holy Seal?
I am going to refuse to sign your anti-anti-intergrifious pledgorama thing. Out of my fully developed sense of integriformafiedness which is threatened whenever I sign anything that doesn't have my name on it in big capital letters in something shiny and expensive.

Basically I'm unable to sign cuz I don't yet own a blog but blogsquat on everybody else's so I can appear profound and shit.

So please ignore the fact I signed earlier.

Sign what?
You got my address wrong.

I'M TELLING!!!!!!!!
Well, I am pro-anti-integrity, so as a member of the Popular Front for Anti-Integritous Integritude I signed up.

If only to be a subversive anti-pro-integrity movement opposer.

Or just a poseur.

I report, you decide.
I have zero integrity in my non-blog life; so it makes sense that I would have none in my blog life as well. Sign me up! And I will put that Scarlet Letter badge/thing on my dirty acid wash jean jacket that I call my blog.
Sign me up as refusing to sign up!
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