Online Blogintegrity: Statement of Principles

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Statement of Principles

The Online Blogintegrity Statement of Principles:

The Online Blogintegrity Statement of Principles is simple:

PRIVATE PERSONS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR PRIVATES ONLINE. If your pants go missing, don't go whining to us. We don't know where they are. Your pants are not a matter of Civil Discourse.

PUBLIC FIGURES ARE ENTITLED NOT TO BE MADE FUN OF AS LYING DOUCHEBAGS WHEN THEY ARE MEMBERS OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION. This is, after all, a Time of War. What are you, some sort of Islamofascist jackass? Don't let's make Jeff Goldstein pompously botch a J. L. Austin reference to prove this point, or otherwise we'll have to read his 15,000 word treatise about why he wasn't really just picking his nose the whole time.

NO FLIRTING. This one should be clear. How will bloggers ever be taken seriously by Serious Journalists if they come to our blogs and see... flirting? EEEEEEEK. Some scary assed shit right there.

NO CUSSIN'. Fuck that cursing shit. I mean, like, fuck it. FUCK.

PERSONS SEEKING ANONYMITY OR PSEUDONYMITY ONLINE SHOULD HAVE THEIR WISHES IN THIS REGARD RESPECTED AS MUCH AS IS REASONABLE. Exceptions include cases of criminal, misleading, or intentionally disruptive behavior, or when Jeff Goldstein figures out how to weasel out a way to defend Michelle Malkin for pissing on kittens.

VIOLATIONS OF THESE PRINCIPLES WILL BE MET BY US STAMPING OUR TINY FEET AND HOLDING OUR BREATH UNTIL WE TURN BLUE. SO NYAH. NYAH WE SAY, NYAH.

Signatories of these principles appear in the blogroll to the right. To the RIGHT. No, to the RIGHT. Sheesh... If your name is not there it means you have no honor, and therefore Worf hates you. Look at how displeased he is at your lack of integrity:

Wait, sorry, I meant the left. My bad.

ANY-hoo. This statement is nonpartisan and nonideological. It is open to participants and adherents left, right and center. In an era when online activism and community have more impact, promise and peril than ever, it is essential that we seize upon the best aspects of the internet — its self-policing, democratic nature — and use them to set an example of reasoned restraint and considered civility. But mostly it means that Kos is a dick.

Overall, we need to remember that bloggers must present a much more GROWNUP image to geniuses like Chris Matthews, Tim Russert, and Cokie Roberts. PLEASE from now on dress and act like Elrond, you ignorant gobshites:

TAKE THAT, MSM!!!!!

# posted by Thers @ 6:34 PM

Comments:

Sign me up!

# posted by

Phila : 9:19 PM

Well... we've had some... reports about you... but OK, you get a probationary membership.

# posted by

Thers : 9:21 PM

Thers, I admire your courageous stand in this matter. It's high time that we, the united blogosphere, present a more erudite image to the world. Our work is serious, our task difficult, our rewards slim, and our integri

FUCK! I think I just swallowed a fly. Oh, fucking gross... oh, I'm definitely going to be sick now. Oh shit, this is bad... really, really fucking bad...

# posted by

Ripley : 9:24 PM

Where do I sign?

# posted by

rorschach : 9:26 PM

well, i don't nuth'n 'bout them star trek characters, but i heard about matthews, and roberts, and russert. some fine people. admirable examples i could hope to live up to.

or, lazy, overpaid, fuck'n morons.

you decide.

# posted by

charley : 9:28 PM

Well... we've had some... reports about you... but OK, you get a probationary membership.

You won't be sorry, you great big adorable...

Oops, sorry. What I meant to say was "Thanks for helping to raise the tone of Internet discourse!"

# posted by

Phila : 9:31 PM

Aw, shit.

Sign me up.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:31 PM

Don't forget the ponies. We can't let turrests get ponies of mass destruction.
And outlaw tacos. Or something.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:31 PM

fuck you

# posted by

Atrios : 9:31 PM

self-policing ... reasoned restraint ... considered civility ... GROWNUP image ...

Well, fuck me! Did Tacitus steal the handcuffs again?

I'm not prepared to join a group that doesn't denounce the denouncers of civil torture.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:36 PM

Sign ME up...
.

# posted by

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) : 9:38 PM

Comment Deleted

This post has been removed by the author.

9:34 PM

We demand to know the contents of this deleted post, so that we may self-correct! It appears it may have been a variable width font, which can only mean one thing...

There's treachery afoot..

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:41 PM

チンポマンコマ〇コうんこ/うんち白雉!!!

I love me some ぶかき!!!

亲我的屁股干你娘!

干你爸!!!

我操你八辈子祖宗

With many thanks to the insultmonger.com (which I just found out is actually banned from where I work. Oops. I may be gone tomorrow.)

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:43 PM

I think there should be some kind of "Swearing Loyalty" ceremony involving our friend the martini...

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:45 PM

It's about time! I am excited to death about this, and I'm sure the Little Admiral will be too.

Also, did you know that I've adopted the Chicken Hawk as my mascot? I thought it was a very civil way of responding to liberal scurrility. With the incivility of poisonous discourse no longer poisoning the civility of national discourse, we'll all be able to concentrate on the exceptional quality of the talent with which my writing and thought are daily expressed.

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:46 PM

Well with a proud name like Chicken Hawk, I have a pretty good idea who the Lil Admiral is.

How are response times at the Call Center Special Ed?

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:51 PM

Sign me up.

Uh, BTW, do we get a decoder ring or anything out of this. Just asking.

# posted by

SPIIDERWEB™ : 9:52 PM

?

You need that "?" for my last comment.

# posted by

SPIIDERWEB™ : 9:53 PM

I think I was punk'd by a bogus special ed. D'oh!

# posted by

Anonymous : 9:53 PM

ahahahahahaha. right.

# posted by

eriq : 9:54 PM

No flirting or swearing? I'm down with that. Love the "Star Trek" references, too...very "hip"

You know what's a really good song? "Itsy-teeny Bitsy-weeny Flying Purple People Eaters." I used to laugh at that 'til Strawberry Nestle's quick came out my nose. Why don't they write them like that like they did in more innocent times?

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:02 PM

I'll sign up to this motherfucker, but I have no blog. I'm blogless. Completely fuckin' bloggless as a matter of fact. What the fuck would I talk about? Fuckin' right!
.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:11 PM

I was told that there would be no mention of pants.

Why do conteenue to be eentolerant of those who do no wear the pants, eh?

I do no laugh at all the tail-less pipples who must express themselves weeth their trite vocalisms, or eenconsequential hand gestures.

Mrrr.

so.

E.G.N.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:13 PM

You know I talked to Worf. He said, "I am NOT a Merry Man"

I'll only sign up if it will make me cool. But if people like me sign up, it is by defination NOT cool. So I've pretty much blown it for the rest of you!

Welcome to Nth tier blogger world Suckers! When you sign up, watch your readership drop. Soon you will have fewer readers than NEWSPAPERS!
HA!

Oh, and don't say fuck. Say "Frak"
it's what Starbuck says.

# posted by

spocko : 10:14 PM

I've heard the word "Shazbat!" is the colloquial equivalent of "Holy Fatherfucking SHIT!"

Is there any truth to that rumor?

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:21 PM

Nerd.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:31 PM

Please translate to Klingon so that I may bring it before the Klingon High Command.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:33 PM

Seminars and lectures to rows of fools who couldn't begin to understand my systems. Colleagues ... colleagues laughing behind my back at the boy wonder ... then becoming famous building on my work ... BUILDING ON MY WORK!

# posted by

@whut : 10:45 PM

Elrond who? That looks like Bérübé in drag.

# posted by

Dick Durata : 10:53 PM

I'm glad you didn't mention anything about plagiarism. It's so pre-9/11 ya know.

By the way, I think I've got a winning opener for my memoir:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Pretty snazzy huh!

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:29 PM

I wanna sign up, but the Elrond thing has to go. Oh, okay. But only if Liv Tyler is involved.

# posted by

filkertom : 11:31 PM

LOL!!!

Thank you, Thers, and please add mee to the roll.

# posted by

Steve J. : 11:57 PM

LOL!!!

Thank you, Thers, and please add me to the roll.

http://radamisto.blogspot.com

# posted by

Steve J. : 11:58 PM

I hate conservatards and republicunts!

# posted by

Anonymous : 12:09 AM

These can't be my pants. They are way too tight.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:06 AM

I flirt at you! and I'm not wearing any panties! Fuck, yeah.

# posted by

Arachnae : 1:27 AM

eh!

any intention of blogintegrity should
consult the masters:

David Goodstein and Vern Black
invented this Integrity Tone Scale back
in 1978 for entrepreneurs to learn how to
move up the scale to be capable of power-sourcing... before it became power monging.

lots of good stuff under the buttons, or just keep pressing the green arrow in the red box for a page by page journey from the "Pits" to "Power Source" passing Normal three down.

enjoy... btw these guys passed on recently and they don't make them like this anymore.

http://www.noodlebrain.com/nbpits.swf

you need flash, although there is no animation in the site (yet)....

cheers and keep loving America.
We are beautiful if you scrape off the shit.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:48 AM

No fucking way am I signing onto this. It's all a ploy by Thersites to get more traffic, and I now suspect him of being a cyborg-eating kitten. No, wait...

# posted by

ntodd : 2:27 AM

fuckin A. fuck those fuckers.

# posted by

chris_from_boca : 3:02 AM

I don't know anything about where ntodd's pants might be. Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar!

# posted by

AB : 3:48 AM

Fine. Set up a new blog and give links to all those guys, and not one to me!

Obviously I am not a person of integrity!

And heck, I even look like this guy.

I'd stamp my feet and hold my breath until I turned blue...if it didn't hurt so damned much, now.

# posted by

Rmj : 4:06 AM

Well... we've had some... reports about you... but OK, you get a probationary membership.

You won't be sorry, you great big adorable...

Oops, sorry. What I meant to say was "Thanks for helping to raise the tone of Internet discourse!"

Not only should this comment be removed, this person should be driven out of left blogistan in shame and derision.

NO FLIRTING!

# posted by

Rmj : 4:10 AM

I bow to your superior and erudite position.

You are clearly the man.

# posted by

Diane : 4:27 AM

Why do we need blogintegrity, or any integrity at all, for that matter? This is America, isn't it? Integrity is basically just all "pre-9/11" and stuff, right?

Just askin'.

# posted by

shrimplate : 5:12 AM

I'm signing on to this simply because I find Tacitus sooo dreamy.

Or something.

.

# posted by

spork_incident : 5:12 AM

Love it, keep it going.

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:18 AM

Heh. Indeedy.

Armando

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:35 AM

I am integritous. Therefore, I sign.

# posted by

watertiger : 5:38 AM

DO I *have* to have intergiry to sign? What if I'm just cute?

# posted by

NYMary : 5:44 AM

Intergrity. Damn it!

# posted by

NYMary : 5:46 AM

Just remember: you can't straighten a snake by pulling it through a straw.

# posted by

Ort : 5:53 AM

If I had a blog
I would so sign on with this
If I had a blog.

I would get a blog
Were I not fuckin' lazy
So I have no blog.

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:18 AM

Well, I just cannot believe this is happening. What if everyone groups into little 'civility' cliques?

Will you be serving tea and crumpets at these 'civility' gatherings?

I shall not be a party to such nonsense and shall start my own petition to stop the signing of petitions. Good Day, Sir!

# posted by

Michael : 6:20 AM

Please Please Puhhhleeez sign me up. I can be so grownup. Also the possibly criminal photoshopped photo of the pope in a Nazi uniform was just an effort to defend free speech and not a cheap shot and it's just a fact which is relevant to mature historical analysis that Bush looks sortof like Nero.

# posted by

Robert : 6:52 AM

Oh and when I was in 10th grade I wrote a paper in which I said that Thersites was my favorite character in the Iliad and then my 10th grade English teacher put a question on who Thersites was on the final and everyone was mad at me and so I showed I was reel reel mature even then.

# posted by

Robert : 6:56 AM

Fuckin' A, Bubba. I'm standing in the door. Glad to see somebody restoring integrity to the blogospheres. It's about damn time.

# posted by

AZ Gringo : 7:04 AM

Normally I'm highly allergic to that thing called "integrity" but for this worth cause I am willing to suffer the rash on my...(as long as I don't have to put my pants back on).

# posted by

Lizzie Flynn : 7:14 AM

worthy, dammit! Fucking typos.

# posted by

Lizzie Flynn : 7:14 AM

I find your ideas intriguing, and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter. Please add me to your mailing list!

# posted by

Nim : 7:30 AM

I've taken the pledge. I'll do what it takes to show up on the left. I'm so there it hurts, especially on the ones about wearing pants and stamping my feet.

# posted by

Kate : 8:05 AM

Does this come with free Cheetos?

# posted by

missy : 8:28 AM

Well, I'll have to get my Elrond robes from the back of the closet and dust off the moths (there might be a few holes, but hopefully not any BIG ones). But I have NO idea where I left the lovely silver crown that goes with it (maybe at Starbucks -- hell, it's gone forever!). Still, do please-pretty-please sign me up. I think having some real blogintegrity is a wonderful idea -- and hey! I can replace that ol' crown with tinfoil!
I'm in!

# posted by

Wren : 8:47 AM

Think how the quality of discourse would improve if we all STFU.

# posted by

Paul Dirks : 9:19 AM

I don't know anything about where ntodd's pants might be. Anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar!

Sigh. One more fantasy dashed. I guess I'll stop spreading the bogus rumors, then...

# posted by

ntodd : 9:30 AM

Please, count me in.

Especially the part about Michelle Malkin pissing on kittens.

Though actually, I think she's more likely to put them in a kitty concentration camp.

# posted by

David Neiwert : 10:00 AM

I will sign this vow in my own blood. Or semen. Whichever is most sought after.

I do hereby solemnly pledge. And I pledge the sacred honor of whichever blogger next pisses me off, and whom I can mug for their's.

# posted by

Gary Farber : 12:10 PM

Holy shit!!

CNN is reporting that Iran does not have an online integrity policy or integrity blog!! And here we sit, with no CIA Director!! It's time to kick the tires and light the fires! Where's Iron Fist???!?

I'd go, but my pants are in the dryer. Lookin' good, Desi - you busy tonite?

# posted by

Anonymous : 4:05 PM

If it's good enough for Kate, it's good enough for me. Sign me up!

# posted by

Anonymous : 8:05 PM

You are enrolled, Doug, and we are proud to have someone with your advanced nipple-detecting skills on board!

# posted by

Thers : 8:39 PM

Why do you not link to me, even though I refuse to sign your stupid fucking pledge? I think you fear Multiple Integritences.

# posted by

ntodd : 10:05 PM

Sign me up, too.

# posted by

echidne : 10:11 PM

Dear Mister Therites, if you would make me an official signatory to Your Pledge, I would be most obliged.

Your servant, etc,
Nathaniel Hawthorne,
of Writing Visually

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:21 PM

Please, Sir, may I sign up?

Thanks a big bunch!!

# posted by

SteveAudio : 11:15 AM

Fuck integrity. I don't have a fucking blog. Fuck fuck fuckety fuck. Can I sign up anyway?

Cheers,

GW (not GWPDA, the other GW, the one with no blog)

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:36 AM

Fucking A.

# posted by

Dr. Luke Van Tessel : 2:52 PM

There's treachery afont! Sign me up. My purity is guaranteed by the fact I have no blog and therefore can't possibly screw this one up. And I'd just like to say that Thersites is my favorite character in "Hi & Lois."

ps: Is there any significance to the fact that the word I have to match to post this begins with "wmd"? (Other than the fact you can't spell it without "dubya.")

# posted by

Anonymous : 8:58 AM

I hereby take the Integrity Pledge. I promise that I shall do everything in my power to remain an Integer for the next 12.8 months. HOWEVER I REFUSE TO BE CIVIL. "CIVILITY" IS A CODE WORD DISPARAGING THE PEOPLE OF THE HEARTLAND BY IMPLYING ONLY THOSE SHITTY LATTE-SIPPERS ARE EVER POLITE. FUCK THEM. I don't actually have a blog because I can't work out how to start one. Nevertheless, I mean well, which means I am still better than you, Worf, or any tree-humping elf. THE END.

# posted by

Anonymous : 5:26 PM

Ok, the peer pressure is getting to me, I give in, Uncle. (lack of integrity)

But I'm gonna I'm gonna have a fucking conniption fit if I have to quit flirting.

Sign me up.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:55 PM

I have to type Nogzra in order to sign up? Onerous, but I don't actually have to read the pledge too, do I? I'll just take my Nogzra and rest. I'd be honored to be a part of your civil society.

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:08 AM

Sign me up too. I pledge to go where NTodd dares not, into the realm of moral superiority!

# posted by

Mischa Gresser : 8:54 PM